Steampunk Knife – the Ultimate Guide (2018 Review)

Steampunk Knife - the Ultimate Guide (2018 Review)

By Steampunk Origins | Updated Nov 04, 2018

steampunk knife

The Steampunk knife, a tool for violence in a genre of peace and intelligent thought. A misnomer. A representation of the battle of ideas, the fight for complex concepts, all bond and covered in cogs. To combine a knife with Steampunk is to think of the hardships and violence of a time linked with station, status, and satisfaction.

Steampunk Knives Quick Review

Product Best For Our Rating
1. The Wailing At Wendimoor Shock
2. Apparatica Style
3. Phantasm Impressions
4. Severance Quality
5. Kraken Value

Top Choice: The Wailing At Wendimoor

Ready to slash the loving hearts of the hardiest Adams fan without breaking the bank.

1. The Wailing At Wendimoor
Best For

Shock

Our Rating
2. Apparatica
Best For

Style

Our Rating
3. Phantasm
Best For

Impressions

Our Rating
4. Severance
Best For

Quality

Our Rating
5. Kraken
Best For

Value

Our Rating

The Modern Steampunk

Luckily the modern Steampunk isn’t a replication of honour and heroics full of laudanum (source) and absinth (source). But that doesn’t stop them from wanting something pretty to point at when guests arrive. Long gone are the days of travelling the uneven cobbles through the thick fog, armed with a Dirk (source) and Pepperbox Pistol (source), but the aesthetic is forever still in the hearts of Steampunks.

Steampunk Knife Review

Phantasm

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There’s no need create any ghosts with Phatasm’s pretty poker.

A beautifully etched blade, the Phantasm has a certain Wild West quality that will appeal to those rare Steampunk knife collectors out there. Don’t be fooled into the points of “real-world muscle”. This is at best used as a conversation piece when showing someone the weird wing of your manner house.

The Phantasm is a weapon and should be respected as such. A top hat and sideburns will not wash easily, should you feel your honour besmirched and have the thing used to carve you up, pumpkin style (source).

  • Stylish
  • Has Steampunk written on it (if you’re into that sort of thing)
  • Is very reasonably priced
  • Has Steampunk written on it (if you’re not)
  • Is very reasonably priced, meaning any idiot with a Lancelot complex can get one and start demanding a duel

Severance

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Hopefully there to sever little more than a few bucks and the tip of your finger when used as a grooming tool, the Severance will see you through in style.

Pocket knives are perhaps the least Steampunk weapon there is, but when it comes to cog covered tiny knives the Severance reigns supreme. The blade is full of cogs. The handle is full of cogs. All that is missing is for you to have that emotional breakdown and build that clockwork onesie you’ve always wanted.

The Severance is excellent for cutting cheese, signing your name in illegally acquired ivory, and tracing eldritch symbols in the centre of toadstool rings, while the Shoggoths (source) whisper sweet nothings into your demented ears.

For the gentlemen and ladies who are caught between conscientious objection and a strong desire to stand naked in front of the mirror flicking their blade in and out, the Severance will do its best to not judge too harshly as you rethink your life choices.

  • Stylish
  • Lots of cogs
  • Compact and versatile
  • Small enough that someone stupid would think they’d be fine taking it outside, and sharp enough to land you in the closest crotch-biting facility for the next few years
  • Slightly suggesting of violence with the term “severance” and unlikely to cover court bills should you go full on Taxi Driver on anyone

Apparatica

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One half of a great Steampunk Legolas cosplay, the Apparatica has everything you need to shout all of your favourite Orlando Bloom lines.

Sleek and sharp, the Apparatica needs only one side to cut the wheat from the chaff at your next knife friendly Steampunk gathering (ask in advance to not have anyone weeping into their cream tea as you go full on Game of Thrones (source) on their first edition Master and Margarita (source)).

Beautifully etched using dolphin’s tears, the Apparatica has a machete quality needed for hacking your way through the cabled jungle of the city wide Victorian computer. For those looking for a comparison to the sharpness of your wit. For those looking to show the weapons responsible for your Furby (source) covered trophy room, then the Apparatica is the one for you.

  • Steampunk etched, so you don’t have to go the trouble of doing it yourself
  • Elegant in an assault with a deadly weapon kind of way
  • Its refined detail will not make a difference sentence wise if you decide to use it for anything other than opening letters

Kraken

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Kraken will pull your social standing to new depths with this beautiful blade.

Have you ever wanted the gunblade from Final Fantasy Eight (source)? Do you live in a country where guns are illegal? Then the Kraken has you covered. More of a short sword than a knife, but then if you’re playing by Crocodile Dundee's (source) rules then it’s never a problem to bring a bigger “Noife” (source).

True to its name, the Kraken pulls you down to a time of nineties nostalgia and odd knife collections. Something that would look silly on anyone over the age of seven, a Steampunk could do the impossible and turn this item into something cool. Well, not cool, but Steampunk, which is happy, just to have fun.

  • Pakkawood, which If I’m not mistaken is claimed from a tribe of treemen dedicated to give you tickets for parking violations
  • Hand guard should you get over excited and punch the picture, Kibbles the cat in a fit of jealousy
  • Full Tang. None of that half Tang stuff, we’re talking full tangy experience. Note: Do not ingest the sword if you’re on the Ketogenic diet as knives are counted as carbohydrates
  • Not much good in a sword fight
  • Health hazard if wielded by the silly or stupid
  • Might end up with you telling it to the sergeant downtown if you start improv ribbon dancing with it in the street

The Wailing At Wendimoor

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Ready to slash the loving hearts of the hardiest Adams fan without breaking the bank.

The Wailing at Wendimoor has earned its name due to the strong influence from Max Landis’s second series of Dirk Gently (source). A promising first season that led to the unnecessary and mentally vapid second season set in the child’s world of Wendimoor, a place of scissor sword wielding knights (which is perhaps the only redeeming part of the season).

Douglas Adam’s fans (source) throwing their nutrient enriched war towels at the screens as their beloved oddball Holistic detective has his personality castrated. Now, we shouldn’t be mean, I’m sure Max Landis was going through a rough patch, anyone would struggle having their family stolen by sentient toupees, and perhaps the World could use more driven individuals like Max, and even if his work will likely be the final damning judgement when our interdimensional overlords decide that there’s no intelligent life after-all, at least we can stop and think WWMD? And then just before we’re superheated into glass we can all take a moment to think “Scissor swords are kinda cool.”

  • You get to jump around like you’re a knight in Wendimoor
  • Not too expensive
  • You’re bound to be the only person with one (everyone else made theirs)
  • Reminds people of the second season of Dirk Gently
  • Can lead to violence when you run into a Douglas Adam’s fan

Our Favorite Steampunk Knife

In conclusion, we’re talking about knives, which means the very use in which their intended is off the table for any sensible soul. Each of the blades has a certain beauty that cannot be denied, with some containing a little more Steampunk than others.

The Wailing At Wendimoor is the strangest of the blades mentioned, which means it’s the most Steampunk, not to mention the least dangerous as anyone trying to engage in a fight with a pair of fantastical scissors is likely to do very little damage.

Both the pocket blades strike heavy with their intended presence in the Steampunk World, which although not overly respectable or sane to carry around while you’re reading Mary Shelley's alternate realities novel: Monster, a romantic tale of a flesh golem falling in love with a stuffy Victorian academic.

Choose wisely, but remember: The choice, as always, is yours.

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